Peace is the Word

29.08.14 (Day 250)

10.42

A bit of a landmark day: Semiquincentennial is the word, if it was years anyway. Sometimes that’s how it feels.

250 days out here, most of which have been documented in this blog. Some days and events have been deliberately omitted. Other omissions and reductions have been requested by those whose names may not be mentioned (because they asked for references to them to be removed) and because some things can’t be shared. It’s all in my head though and I have cards up my sleeve, should they ever be needed. Lots to say, some of which shouldn’t be said; some of which has and some of which will be another time. Some of it needed to be said; some of it shouldn’t have been.

I don’t subscribe to the saying-nothing-unless-it’s-nice school of thought. Mine is a school of life; of hard knocks. Life hurts; the truth hurts. Both can be brutal and so can I. If I say something and you don’t like it, think about it: it’s probably based on fact. If you think you’ve heard something I said and you don’t like it, I probably said what you thought. If there’s a chance that it can misconstrued, don’t walk off and dwell or stew; talk to me and I’ll say it again. Then think about it. Pause for thought. Have an interlude; perhaps a musical one (the restorative powers of music; the music of change):

I solve my problems and I see the light
We got a lovin’ thing, we gotta feed it right
There ain’t no danger we can go too far
We start believing now that we can be who we are

Let me be who I am, who I want to be; who I should be. Work me out. Understand me. Talk to me. Make peace; love not war. That’s what I’ve been doing. Clearing the decks before I move on; clearing cobwebs. Most recently this has been with The Mother ship and the ex-wife. Making peace, of course; not the other one. That’s reserved for the new wife. 

They think our love is just a growing pain
Why don’t they understand, it’s just a crying shame
Their lips are lying, only real is real
We stop the fight right now, we got to be what we feel

I’ve got The Dog back. I’ve got The Ninja back. I’ve got the fold-up one back. I’ve got the ex-wife back.

There were some misunderstandings between me and the mother of my biological kids, some of my making. I may not speak of those which weren’t (yet). It’s been forbidden by her bidding. I got her back by saying nice things but some things are best left unsaid, so I’ll not say anything nice here. Suffice to say, I have a means of contacting my son now and I will. 

The Mother ship is due to visit tomorrow, delivered and accompanied by the Carrier ship (my dad, in their car) and bearing a snake. As you do. And they are. 

So the old family get to meet the new one, including the wife. Maybe we’ll have a picnic with the snake in the garden. Not sure the old family will swallow like the wife, who likes what I serve for lunch: sandwiches. Yesterday it was chicken and stuffing, mayonnaise, salad, mustard, jam (really) and seasoning: the wife approved. Today’s offering was ham, soft cheese, pickled onions, mayonnaise, watermelon (really) and seasoning: it went down well with the wife. I just need to think of something creative for tomorrow. I’m thinking eggs. Everyone wants a Steve sandwich. Always in the middle, where I’ll be tomorrow; the new educating the old.

We take the pressure and we throw away
Conventionality belongs to yesterday
There is a chance that we can make it so far
We start believing now that we can be who we are

I’ve got two more weeks here in the safe house but only if I need the time. I’m not dawdling, dwelling or dallying but neither will I doss on the street. My friends have rallied around and pretty much made that impossible. My wayward Dog on the loose has even said that if I end up back out there, to find him. I said I loved all of my Pink Hearts.

My families, past, present and future, bring me peace and I’m at peace. 

The old family will be surprised to see how I’ve changed when they visit tomorrow. I’m out of a rut. The ex-wife is probably floored by my kind words which I may not mention. But peace is the word that you heard.

It’s got a groove, it’s got a meaning

This is a life of illusion
Wrapped up in trouble
Laced with confusion
What are we doing here?

Two hearts; two words: making peace.

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