Gordon Ramsay to replace Mary Berry on Bake Off

NEWS | SATIRE

ramsay
Chef Gordon Ramsay, pictured in 1970

Gordon Ramsay is to replace Mary Berry on The Great British Bake Off, it has been announced. Ramsay joins Paul Hollywood at the show’s new home on Channel 4.

The show’s new broadcaster said they thought Ramsay would add some spice to the format. At 81, Ramsay is the same age as Berry.

Asked to comment, Ramsay said: “Given that this is Channel 4, I think I can take the fucking format further. Mary can keep her soggy bottoms. Now we’re going to have fucking wank stains and shit. I won’t be sympathetic to failure, I’ll just intimidate the contestants by shouting in their pathetic, simpering little faces.”

Channel 4 are said to be considering a number of people for the roles vacated by Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc, but no-one was available to confirm this. Tim Loganberry, a runner with a university degree, smoking a joint outside, would only say, “Jo Brand would be fucking awesome.”

Over drinks with his new partner, Hollywood said, “I’m only in it for the fucking money anyway. Now, fuck off.”

Original article.

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